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Why the extra marital affairs and divorce rate increasing in India?
Made Popular Jun 16 2008
Nowadays the Young Indian are still conservative in side but boast they are modern out side.
They say it was their sole decision to get married .They pretend its their personal decision on choosing their spouse.
But the reality is ....its the society that decides their marriage indirectly.
I have seen many couples marry for the sake of getting married but doesn’t really love the spouse.
When I asked about this to my friend who got her divorce recently.
This is what she told...
“I had no choice, my parents insisted me to get married soon.so I chose the groom within next week,and got married within 3 months.
I understood that we had nothing in common when we came close.He insisted me to work after marriage,which I denied clearly before marriage,to which he accepted.But latter he harassed me for money.So I was left with no choice other than breaking the marriage”
These kind of marriages may lead to extra marital affairs that in turn lead to the increase in murder rate and illegal activities which we can see in latests news.
Why should one marry just for the sake of it?
Its better to wait for the one u really like/love or
best just let it go .
why to chose what ever comes the way just for the sake of getting married.
RSS 
Marriages are made in haven ,is it really so.I think one should have to think a lot before deciding.good job keep it up.
(Local Perspectives)
awesome write-up. seriuosly it seems things like extra-marital affairs and crimes related to such things are increasing and it is true that better think twice before plunging into a settlement that’s just for the heck of it and involves no love. Whereas on the contrary aside to everything else love should be the only thing to be the foundation of a marriage.
(Local Perspectives)
The only question is whether the bond should cease to exist when love dies way because it surely will die someday. One cannot love someone all one’s life, and when that happens, one starts looking for someone else to supply what’s missing in one’s own spouse.
This is from where all extra-marital affairs spark off.
At times, it appears as though extra-maritals are natural responses to lovelessness.
The foundation of marriage can only be the understanding that marriage is for a higher purpose, it is the bedrock of the society and must be nurtured at all costs.
A thing like heart that is so habitual of skipping a beat every now and then cannot be a foundation for anything.
This is from where all extra-marital affairs spark off.
At times, it appears as though extra-maritals are natural responses to lovelessness.
The foundation of marriage can only be the understanding that marriage is for a higher purpose, it is the bedrock of the society and must be nurtured at all costs.
A thing like heart that is so habitual of skipping a beat every now and then cannot be a foundation for anything.
(Local Perspectives)
hello Ranita,
Thanks.
Yes seriously any one should get married for ones own self and not for the sake of just getting married.Yes marriage is all about love,it involves a lot of time.We have the right to keep ourself happy.So we should chose correctly instead of falling in to pit.
Thanks.
Yes seriously any one should get married for ones own self and not for the sake of just getting married.Yes marriage is all about love,it involves a lot of time.We have the right to keep ourself happy.So we should chose correctly instead of falling in to pit.
(Local Perspectives)
Love or no love, extramarital affairs are about failing to understand the larger context of which marriages are a part. You can’t be happy if you keep demanding if of the other person. One has to learn to give and give and give because as they say ’what goes around, comes around’. It holds true for both good and bad, beautiful and ugly.
In a relationship when both parties start giving for the happiness of other, there is no dearth of happiness and when they try sucking happiness at the cost of other’s peace, not a shred of joy remains.
We can’t help extramaritals. They are here to stay because moral pressure that society used to exercise no longer exists. And there are greater chances of ’having fun’. The misery on this side and promised pleasure on other makes it a deadly cocktail. Hence, the results...the Aarushis...
In a relationship when both parties start giving for the happiness of other, there is no dearth of happiness and when they try sucking happiness at the cost of other’s peace, not a shred of joy remains.
We can’t help extramaritals. They are here to stay because moral pressure that society used to exercise no longer exists. And there are greater chances of ’having fun’. The misery on this side and promised pleasure on other makes it a deadly cocktail. Hence, the results...the Aarushis...
(Local Perspectives)
hello Hemraj singh,
Without love marriage would not last.Yes marriages are all about mutual understanding.To understand a person firstly you should be a friend (no matter what relation ship you share or age).But in marriages nowadays they do not really get to know the person who they marry.In some unique cases the long time lovers turned spouses do get in to such affairs.The reason being they do not know what they want or neither do they respect them selves,their ideas.They should take time for themselves before getting in to any relation ship .They should be responsible for their own self.
Without love marriage would not last.Yes marriages are all about mutual understanding.To understand a person firstly you should be a friend (no matter what relation ship you share or age).But in marriages nowadays they do not really get to know the person who they marry.In some unique cases the long time lovers turned spouses do get in to such affairs.The reason being they do not know what they want or neither do they respect them selves,their ideas.They should take time for themselves before getting in to any relation ship .They should be responsible for their own self.
(Local Perspectives)
They are slightly more independent now! So they get married under pressure and then divorce. Till ten years ago even divorce was a taboo.
In fact many parents emotionally blackmail the youth in this regard. They should also realize a few things.
In fact many parents emotionally blackmail the youth in this regard. They should also realize a few things.
(Local Perspectives)
Hi jitaditya,
You say women are more independent nowadays .So tell me if they are independent how will they get married under pressure.In reality women have come to know of their rights against violence etc thats why they come out of marriage.They are not independent,but are free when they earn thats why few get over heights to enjoy there freedom,but its just like a river running from a dam.they do it with out much knowledge.Being independent is being responsible.So if they are independent they would not go for a marriage that would not suit them.Divorce is not a sin,cos the marriage they had itself is not suitable for them.Its better to to come out of it than to stay married and destroy the life of both.
You say women are more independent nowadays .So tell me if they are independent how will they get married under pressure.In reality women have come to know of their rights against violence etc thats why they come out of marriage.They are not independent,but are free when they earn thats why few get over heights to enjoy there freedom,but its just like a river running from a dam.they do it with out much knowledge.Being independent is being responsible.So if they are independent they would not go for a marriage that would not suit them.Divorce is not a sin,cos the marriage they had itself is not suitable for them.Its better to to come out of it than to stay married and destroy the life of both.
(Local Perspectives)
When did I say that ”women are more independent nowadays”? ”They” refer to the entire generation irrespective of sexes. And you missed the ”relativity” of the comment.
I said people no don’t hesitate to divorce at least, which is something that did not happen till ten years ago.
I said people no don’t hesitate to divorce at least, which is something that did not happen till ten years ago.
(Local Perspectives)
I think I would agree with Jitaditya here. Perhaps, what he means is that since the entire generation is independent, they use this newfound independence to give up just too easily. They don’t fight for it simply because it is easy to walk away. So, they pick the easier option.
Earlier, it was difficult to get divorced (only difficult, not impossible) and one would fight with one’s back towards the wall to save a marriage. Today, social sanctions are negligible. So, marriages end easily.
Nobody asks anyone to be in an unhappy relationship, but the fact is there is no ’happy’ relationship, one ’stays happy’ in a relationship. You need to work on it, and for it. It cannot run on its own.
But today, at the very first sight of a problem, people tend to break free.
What do you say, Jitaditya?
Earlier, it was difficult to get divorced (only difficult, not impossible) and one would fight with one’s back towards the wall to save a marriage. Today, social sanctions are negligible. So, marriages end easily.
Nobody asks anyone to be in an unhappy relationship, but the fact is there is no ’happy’ relationship, one ’stays happy’ in a relationship. You need to work on it, and for it. It cannot run on its own.
But today, at the very first sight of a problem, people tend to break free.
What do you say, Jitaditya?
(Local Perspectives)
There are some people who come and ask me a question that I would like to put forward here. They say that everything is fine with them in a marriage other than that they are not able to connect with their spouses emotionally. Its not that they hate their partners who are otherwise very good. They ask is it wrong for them to find emotional connectivity somewhere else and yet maintain their marital bliss without the two interfering with each other?
(Local Perspectives)
Hi Leena Komarraju,
I think its sarcastic...
But this is what is happening in reality.
Every one understands marriage is bonding of two people with their good and bads...isn’t?
I don not understand why they like to still stay to gather with out a link among them.If there is no emotional bonding why on earth should you marry.We can have them as a friend,not a spouse.
I hope they should have thought about it before marriage.They should not take momentary decision in such cases.
yes its wrong for them(for both)
I think its sarcastic...
But this is what is happening in reality.
Every one understands marriage is bonding of two people with their good and bads...isn’t?
I don not understand why they like to still stay to gather with out a link among them.If there is no emotional bonding why on earth should you marry.We can have them as a friend,not a spouse.
I hope they should have thought about it before marriage.They should not take momentary decision in such cases.
yes its wrong for them(for both)
(Local Perspectives)
Extra-martial affairs were always there, but was done so more covertly. Now days people are more open about it because it is more accepted. Why are marriages breaking down…honestly I feel that the level of patience is much lower than what perhaps are parents had, also, with women being more economically independent they are less willing to compromise with a bad situation. Women have evolved socially much faster than men have, especially true for the Indian male…and this is also one of the important reasons for the marriages to be falling apart.
(Local Perspectives)
Nice write up! We can’t predict what’s gonna happen in future that doesn’t mean we don’t have brains. At-least we can take sound decisions and try making our lives bit less complicated. Even educated parents sometimes take mindless decisions like the one mentioned in the article. I mean why the hell did they force their daughter to get married soon? Just for the heck of it?
(Local Perspectives)
Very well told story, I like the pictures.I had no idea this was going on in India, thanks for sharing.
(Global Perspectives)
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File Type: ImageYes it all kept as a secret,as it comes with the price tag of social unfamiliarity.Most of them are pressurized by the society and their decisions are done in keeping the social status is mind.I don’t call it bad but only keeping societies acceptance as a reason for such important issues are really pathetic.
(Local Perspectives)
Hi Karpagam Kannan,
Yes even I agree with you when you say that ‘why should people marry at all when there is no emotional link?’. I think you will agree that marriage is the only relationship where people are expected to bond both emotionally as well as practically.
In our society many people marry at a stage where they are not emotionally bonded with their partners but just acquainted with them at a platonic level( eg. arranged marriages). Many times it so happens that after such a marriage the practical aspects are taken care of well. People get into a mechanical lifestyle. Many partners go about even the most intimate aspects of a marriage in a mechanical manner. This is where one partner might get emotionally suffocated. They cannot go for divorce because of n number of reasons, children being one good reason. They get depressed and then they feel that Ok since our spouses want a mechanical life we can give them that but can’t we find some emotional peace elsewhere?
Yes even I agree with you when you say that ‘why should people marry at all when there is no emotional link?’. I think you will agree that marriage is the only relationship where people are expected to bond both emotionally as well as practically.
In our society many people marry at a stage where they are not emotionally bonded with their partners but just acquainted with them at a platonic level( eg. arranged marriages). Many times it so happens that after such a marriage the practical aspects are taken care of well. People get into a mechanical lifestyle. Many partners go about even the most intimate aspects of a marriage in a mechanical manner. This is where one partner might get emotionally suffocated. They cannot go for divorce because of n number of reasons, children being one good reason. They get depressed and then they feel that Ok since our spouses want a mechanical life we can give them that but can’t we find some emotional peace elsewhere?
(Local Perspectives)
hi Leena,
Don’t you think if u chose children or other practical issues ,then they should be the priority to us.but why do we need emotional bonding too.this means in any relation emotional bonding is important.So if practicallity is important we should go with it forgoing emotinal bonding but never have a fake relation ship.
Don’t you think if u chose children or other practical issues ,then they should be the priority to us.but why do we need emotional bonding too.this means in any relation emotional bonding is important.So if practicallity is important we should go with it forgoing emotinal bonding but never have a fake relation ship.
(Local Perspectives)
Wel I totally disagree with you when you say that love holds a marriage together. I think it is adjustment. And the modern generation is not ready to do so.
(Local Perspectives)
Yes Karpagam, you are ethically very correct and that’s the way things should be. Relationships should never be faked.
But you know more than from the point of view of an argument, its because of sad realities that I am posing this question repeatedly. You say that one of the two either emotional bonding or practicality should be chosen if one is in such a situation. Its actually not that easy. To provide the children with a stable home the emotionally deprived have to stay in the marriage. They try their best to connect with their partners emotionally but they don’t get a response….and emotional fulfillment is a necessity for human beings otherwise they would become robots. In such a situation they get very depressed and at times suicidal. That is when they come to us for psychological help asking us what to do and given the norms of society we really don’t have an answer for them.
But empathizing with these lot I think you fake a relationship when you seek something in another person what your marital partner is already giving…but if the partners do not really care are they really to blame if they seek solace elsewhere mechanically keeping up with their marital responsibilities.
But you know more than from the point of view of an argument, its because of sad realities that I am posing this question repeatedly. You say that one of the two either emotional bonding or practicality should be chosen if one is in such a situation. Its actually not that easy. To provide the children with a stable home the emotionally deprived have to stay in the marriage. They try their best to connect with their partners emotionally but they don’t get a response….and emotional fulfillment is a necessity for human beings otherwise they would become robots. In such a situation they get very depressed and at times suicidal. That is when they come to us for psychological help asking us what to do and given the norms of society we really don’t have an answer for them.
But empathizing with these lot I think you fake a relationship when you seek something in another person what your marital partner is already giving…but if the partners do not really care are they really to blame if they seek solace elsewhere mechanically keeping up with their marital responsibilities.
(Local Perspectives)
Dear Karpagam,
We are on the wrong side of progressive mannerism .The so-called women organisations have futher created strange sorts of problems .One that which makes women more conscious of her rights than duties .Sadly , it’s now very difficult to let the right sense prevail .After all, we all love to be hailed as progressive and that means to be trapped in all sorts of ills with head held high !!
Yours,
Arvind K.Pandey
We are on the wrong side of progressive mannerism .The so-called women organisations have futher created strange sorts of problems .One that which makes women more conscious of her rights than duties .Sadly , it’s now very difficult to let the right sense prevail .After all, we all love to be hailed as progressive and that means to be trapped in all sorts of ills with head held high !!
Yours,
Arvind K.Pandey
(Local Perspectives)
The article is well expressed, though it could have done with some polishing on the grammatical side.
Thanks for sharing.
Yes ,marriage is a very good institution when its between 2 people who love each other.As you have told marriage involves trust,affection and care.But to trust some one , you need time to know them.Nowadays people get married on the run.I personally know a person who came from USA for 3 days to get married in India.In that case how do you know some one and develop a trust before marriage.
we should respect our likes and wait until we get married to a right person.
Thanks for your comment,I will take care of the grammatical mistakes in my forth coming articles .